At the beginning of May, I came to my working place in order to talk to my boss about my contract. It expires at the end of May.
She renewed it for 3 months. I’ll keep the night shift and my position has been decreased a little. Between June and August, I’ll be working 60% at night. We’ll be 3 people working at night with Steinar (click it if you want to know more about my job).
I am happy with the offer. I feared for a much worse situation. But it turned out all good and I can work extra if desired.
What surprised me the most was my leader’s attitude towards me. The first time I talked to her, in March, I felt like shit. She didn’t seem to care much about my situation and I got the impression that I would not last much longer working with Steinar.
However, this time she treated me in a completely different way. I was explained why my chances to get a stable job as an assistant are so low (in this particular department) and what to expect in the future. She showed appreciation for my job and told me that as long as I keep doing a good job (and Steinar lives), my position will be kept. Otherwise, a change will be inevitable.
It was such a relief to realise that she is not planning on kicking me out.
Steinar has been stable lately. He reached that point where he can’t move anything, not even his thumb. Eye contact is now the only way to communicate with him.
We can use a couple of paper boards to help him write what he needs but I don’t think he wants to say something. I have tried to pull something out of him but it’s just impossible. Even when he is in need. He wants us to guess everything and waits for the ‘Yes or No’ question.
It’s quite depressing to realise that he has given up on the communication. It would be so inspiring to talk to him… I wish I could hear is voice someday. All I managed to hear from him was his voice message on the phone (yes, I called him in order to hear how his voice sounded like before).
There are moments when he cries so much… It’s really heartbreaking. It is very difficult to accept that he is just sad sometimes. I always think he’s in pain or that something else is wrong. But after a long while trying to figure out what he needs I remember the big question: ‘Are you just sad?’ and he looks at the ‘Yes’ word written on the board.
Usually, I go speechless. I just don’t know what to say. But after a few seconds, I find the strength needed to look at him in the eyes and say ‘I can’t imagine what you are going through. What I know for sure is that I feel comfortable around and I like you a lot. Just like many other staff members. We love you Steinar and we’ll take good care of you no matter what. Don’t give up on yourself. Be strong, man! Who knows if those crazy scientists don’t put you walking and talking again? Everything is possible!’